After a few rotations around the sun and you may start to realize that everything is not so black and white in this world. It’s more like many shades of grey. Being that there are so many factors that go into a situation developing either into a wild success or a big fiasco and so many different interpretations and perspectives out there, it is very difficult for me to say that there is a set and resolute way to react to all these different experiences.
There are not always blatant rights or wrongs. There is not just one way to react to a situation. There is not just one way that may be affected by situations. The only constant is the inconstant.
Whatever the jarring situation is, the most important part is to make sure that you practice self-care and to allow yourself the time you need to get your baring’s and use that energy to keep moving forward and upward.
Feel the emotions, the disappointment, the hurt, the disdain, etc.
The feel and form method is one that I use continuously and encourage those around me to practice as well. The philosophy is that It is OK to feel down, confused, unsettled, and even angry. I recommend feeling those feelings completely and wholly, if that is your truth. Keep in mind, this doesn’t necessarily mean act on them. Just let them flow in and flow out.
Then you pick yourself up, find the fuel and motivation that those emotions (energy in motion) have given you and move on to the form portion.
This is where the work begins.
Form a plan. Become inspired by the situation to make a change. Whether it is to never be in the same situation again, or to figure out a way to do things differently the next time…this is the time where we form an actionable plan.
Be honest with yourself. Look at the roles you played in the situation. Look for where there can be change. Plan out your moves for the next time you find yourself in the situation and how you will move differently.
And lastly – do not forget. It may be months or years before you find yourself in the same situation – and that’s when its GAME ON. What are you going to do? Remember old habits die hard but your action plan should be your guide, along with the emotions you allowed yourself to feel and work through.
This is one reason why I know that allowing yourself to feel that hurt, or that sadness is so important. Often times we are not moved to action until we are put in an uncomfortable situation or until we’ve been hurt. Use that as your motivator.
“Planning is bringing the future into the present so that you can do something about it now.” ― Alan Lakein,
A few tips to get you started
- Express how you’re feeling.
Be honest and open with yourself. Identifying the emotion is the first step. Often time we know we feel bad but don’t know exactly what it is. Is it hurt, jealousy, anger, shame, embarrassment, worry, unworthiness? Naming the emotion will put us on the path for betterment. Journaling is a great tool to help.
- Look at the patterns.
How to you act when you are triggered? How do you contribute to the situation? What bad habits do you have that make things worse? How do you deal with rejection, or aggression, or feeling threatened? Where is this coming from? Who taught you this?
- Give time.
Give yourself a time-frame for how long you will allow yourself to feel bad.
Give yourself 1 day or 1 week for example – then it’s time to move.
Beyonce was quoted saying she gives herself one day to feel sorry for herself, then she pushes past it.
“Whenever I feel bad, I use that feeling to motivate me to work harder. I only allow myself one day to feel sorry for my self. I ask myself ‘What are you gonna do about it?’ I use the negativity to fuel the transformation into a better me.” – Beyonce
- Move into another space
Consider moving into a new location. Give yourself space and even a new environment to clear the air.
When your time to feel bad is up, visualizing physically moving your emotions in your brain from one space, to another can help.
- Form your action plan.
A doable plan of action is necessary. Plan out your moves for the next time you find yourself in the situation and how you will move differently. How will you do better next time? What can you do today? How will you change how you contribute to the situation?
- Give grace and allow mess ups
No one’s perfect and changing habit takes time. So keep going and don’t be so hard on yourself. The important part is the effort.
I feel strongly that my baddies are living their best lives by bringing in all the wonderful and happy things into their lives and growing and learning from the experiences in life. We can not stay stagnant as a BB is always learning and elevating.
Old habits may die hard but we are tough as nails and will conquer anything life throws at us.
The next time you find yourself in a situation that is less than ideal, in a situation that causes anxiety, or a situation that creates sadness take some time to remember this method to help you get through. Take the time that you need to fully feel your emotions and then get to work to make tomorrow better than today!